The Real Saint Nick

By Dr. Warren Throckmorton

Given the decision-making power of Santa Claus on the matter of gifts, my children make sure they leave Mr. Claus some seriously good cookies on Christmas Eve. However, most children don’t know that there is much more to the real Saint Nick than toys and cookies. In addition to being generous, the jolly fellow could easily be considered the patron saint of purity.

Recently looking into the legend of Saint Nick, I learned that Saint Nicholas lived early in the fourth century in what is now Turkey. Orphaned as a young boy, he was left with substantial financial means by his parents. He used this inheritance to benefit others, especially children. Deeply religious, Nicholas became the Bishop of Myra in Turkey and played an important leadership role in the church. Called the Wonderworker, he was well known for his generosity to children, hence his association with the legend of Santa Claus. The story of a benevolent soul giving gifts to children is a part of many cultures with many names. Saint Nick as another name for Santa Claus persists to this day.

I also discovered that Saint Nicholas is a patron saint of virgins. In the Catholic tradition, a patron saint is one who prays to God on behalf of a petitioner. So, if one wants to remain chaste, one may pray to Saint Nicholas who will then lift up the petitioner in spiritual prayer to God. As an aside, his patronage may explain at least one of the criteria for being in either the naughty or nice category when Saint Nick checks and rechecks his list. But I digress. There is more to this story.

Legend has it that Saint Nicholas became aware of a desperately poor parishioner having three daughters with no dowry to recommend them for marriage. The father had planned to sell them into prostitution to provide some means of support. By night, Saint Nicholas secretly brought bags of gold on three separate occasions to the man’s home. These generous visitations allowed the three daughters to have sufficient means to avoid whoredom and later strike a marriage covenant. On the third visit to deliver the gift, Nicholas was caught in the act of generosity by the grateful father.

Many make the Santa Claus-like association of this story to Saint Nicholas the gift giver. I see an additional angle. For reasons that often involve money, women today have few benefactors, few Saint Nicks. Bob Dylan sang truly two decades ago that today’s culture seems to promote “old men turning young daughters into whores.” A look at any magazine rack will tell you that there is a market for flesh and the demographic is predominantly male, ages 12 and up. Research company Visiongain estimated that the pornography market was a 70 billion industry in 2006. That is a lot of gold being used to degrade women rather than enhance their virtue.

Blending traditional gender roles has been little help here. Women today are not, nor should they be, as helpless as those three girls aided by Saint Nicholas. However, girls gone wild with sexual freedom most often leads to exploitation by men. I doubt we would see as much skin if there were no gawking male purchasers, eager to buy and sell innocence as commerce.
Harmful to both men and women, graphic sexuality, even the somewhat scaled down prime time variety, contributes to the overall commoditization of sex. Viewed through the eyes of a pornographer, sex is commerce and sexual purity is restraint of trade.

We need Saint Nicholas today. We need the gifts of chastity and modesty. We need more respecters of purity and fewer of those who would sell young people into the brothel of commercialism.

We need you today Saint Nicholas, the Wonderworker. Our sons and daughters need the good gifts of those who truly value their health and purity.

Warren Throckmorton, PhD is an Associate Professor of Psychology and Fellow for Psychology and Public Policy in the Center for Vision and Values at Grove City (PA) College. Dr. Throckmorton is past-president of the American Mental Health Counselors Association and is the producer of the documentary, "I Do Exist" about sexual identity. His columns have been published by over 100 newspapers nationwide and can be contacted through his blog at www.wthrockmorton.com.

How you can help to fight porn

“The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”- Edmund Burke

One of the reasons why the problem of pornography is so widespread today, is because we have done nothing about it. We talk about it, sometimes, and we disapprove of obscene images on the internet or on TV, but we don’t do anything about it. By not doing anything and remaining silent about it, we are actually showing approval about it.

We are either part of the problem or part of the solution. What then can we do to change from being part of the problem to being part of the solution? Here are some ways. Feel free to add more.

1. When you see a blog with objectionable material, be it text or images, highlight it to the blog administrators. In Blogger and Xanga, you can ‘flag it’. In Wordpress, you can ‘report it as mature’. I am sure every blog provider has something similar.
Don’t worry, you’re not being a prude. You are helping to fight the problem of pornography.

2. When people pass around pornographic images, whether by email or mobile phone, make your disapproval heard and your disgust known. Again, don’t worry about being a prude. You’re being a trend-setter.

3. Talk about it openly with friends. There are three kinds of people whose lives involve porn. The first are those who see nothing wrong with it. They can talk openly about it, and for it. The second are those who indulge in porn and feel guilty about it. They don’t talk openly about it. The third are those who no longer indulge in porn. They too can talk openly about it, and against it. Be the third kind, who are inspirational to the others.

4. If you are a parent, do not ignore or brush aside the matter when your children bring it up. Take pains to explore the matter with your children and help them come to realise what’s wrong and evil about porn. Of course this means that you must first know what’s wrong and evil about it yourself. Keep the channel of communication open with your children, who must feel confident about approaching you about the matter.

5. Report porn spam to internet service providers. Provide them with the IP address and sample of the spam. Internet spam clogs up ISPs. ISPs will be more than happy to help get rid of them. Complain to your ISP, and the sender’s ISP.

6. If you see VCD or DVD vendors selling or renting porn material complain. You may discourage these vendors

7. If you see or hear objectionable material being broadcast on television or radio, complain to the FCC and station managment. Federal Communications Commission. We have prodived the link to file a complaint.

8. If you see indecent, but not obscene material, broadcast on television, complain to advertisers who buy air time for commercials on those programs. Advertisers are very sensitive to complaints. Complaints means that people may be rejecting their products, which means that the huge amounts of money they spend on advertising might be going to waste.

Hidden Dangers in Visiting Porn Sites

Online pornography hunters' Internet adventures are already fraught with danger from malicious code many porn sites use to commandeer visitors' machines or steal personal data.

Now comes a scheme some researchers say amounts to extortion: One site's threat to disable visitors' computers with relentless pop-up ads if they don't pay for a subscription they were automatically signed up for after a free trial.

Visitors do get free access for three days, but the download includes code that then generates a stream of pop-up windows, when the user is online and offline, demanding payment of roughly $80 for 90 days' worth of additional access.

The windows stay open up to 10 minutes and appear once a day. They appear on top of any open windows and restore to their original size if shrunk or moved, making them impossible to ignore. They also reappear if the computer is rebooted.

This new danger is minor. Don't endanger your job, marriage and reputation. Join the battle.

Full Story

15 WAYS TO PURITY FOR MEN

1. Make a firm resolution to be pure and to stop any impure behavior.
Decide today to refrain from any behavior or activities that are impure. In 1902, a priest gave instruction on purity to the first Communicants in which he stated, "Purity at All Costs", One of the first Communicants was Maria Goretti, who gave her life rather than offend God. Which do we value more: our eternal salvation or false pleasure which comes from a box of wires - a computer or television.

2. Express Contrition
We experience true contrition in our hearts when we realize how much sin offends God, hurts us, as well as others. It is our sins that have caused the death of Jesus Christ on the Cross. It injures our soul and mortal sin results in spiritual death. Sin also injures our relationship with others, especially with our wife, girlfriend, friends, co-workers, as well as the mystical body of Christ. We should meditate daily on the passion and death of Jesus Christ.

3. Quickly Flee From Temptation
Flee from the sinful image. Never battle the image in your mind or let it continue. Sins against purity are never won by battling them. Completely focus your mind on something else. Replace the sinful image with a positive image. Beautiful scenery, photos of friends or fun family times together are great images to use. Keep holy art in your home to focus on. The quicker one turns away from the sinful image, the stronger the will becomes. The longer one allows the sinful image to remain in his mind, by battling or entertaining the thought, the less control he has and the stronger the image becomes and the more difficult it is to resist it.

4. Frequent Confession
The goal is to confess monthly. However, we should confess immediately after a fall, which may mean to confess more than once a week. First, tell the priest how long it has been since your last confession. If you feel like it may have been a mortal sin, mention how many times. One of the biggest mistakes we can make, is thinking that we need only to confess the act of masturbation. When going to Confession, we need to tell the priest we had thoughts of impurity, lust, fantasies, and the desire for them. It is important to begin to confessing a lustful thought or desire, even though one has not masturbated because sin begins in the mind, before the action occurs. It is important to confess the desire to want to have an image, because, the impure desire, is really a desire to sin.

5. Frequent Holy Communion
Go to Mass every Sunday, and when possible, during the week. By receiving Jesus in Holy Communion, we receive the grace to avoid sin.

6. Prayer
One of the most effective and powerful ways to stop temptation dead in its tracks is to immediately begin to pray Our Fathers and Hail Marys out loud at the beginning of temptations. In the event they do not stop (which is rare), continue to pray. Even if one goes through with the action while praying out loud, a mortal sin most likely will not have occurred, because one could not have given full consent, if one is praying not to do it.Daily personal prayer to God is very important. Pray at least 15 to 30 minutes everyday. Pray a Holy Hour, once a week, or more when possible. St. Alphonsus Liguori said to Pray 3 Hail Marys to Our Lady everyday for the grace of purity and she will grant it.

7. Avoid the Near Occasion of Sin
Destroy ALL Pornography (NOW). Destroy all CD's, DVD's, videotapes, computer files, and magazines. Remove Internet bookmarks. Put a filter on your computer:http://www.afafilter.com/
http://www.cybersitter.com/
http://www.bsafehome.com/
Disconnect the Internet, if you are unable to get a filter and do not need a computer at home. If your problem is at work, move your computer where others can view what you are doing. Leave your door open. If television if the source, then don't watch it. It sounds difficult, but it's worth it to protect your soul.

8. Develop a Protection Plan
Cancel subscriptions to newspapers containing images, take a different route home - knowing that you may be tempted to purchase a magazine or see a billboard. Avoid shopping at stores that contain items of temptation.

9. Avoid Location of Incidents
If a shower is your problem, take a quick shower - Get in and out - turn on cold water. If fantasy occurs when you lay down to sleep, take a crucifix to bed with you and hold it your hand.

10. Increase Social Life
Avoid loneliness. If a temptation begins, call someone, go visit a friend, take a walk, or go to the store. Establish friendships to avoid loneliness. Join an anti-pornographic group at a parish or a Men's Virtue Group such as Men's Familia, or St. Joseph's Covenant Keepers.

11. Keep Busy
When one is conscious of the desire, or if a lustful thought or fantasy begins, immediately distract yourself by keeping busy so that you mind focuses on something else - like the details of a baseball or football game. Think of a project you are involved in at work.

12. Mortification
To mortify means to die to self. When we die to self, we do not allow pleasures such as masturbation or pornography to control our life. Therefore, we strengthen our will, but not giving into pleasures, but by practising patience. For example, we can make ourselves drive the speed limit. We can avoid immediately turning on the air conditioner when we're hot, or the heat on when we're cold. Rather than getting in the shortest line at the grocery store, we can make ourselves wait by standing in the longest line. When we get the urge to have ice cream we can make ourselves wait twenty minutes before going to the freezer or we can have one scoop instead of two. A powerful means of mortification is to fast once or twice a week by eating only bread and water (or only fruit), perhaps at lunch or even at each meal of the day chosen to fast, such as a Friday. We might choose to eat foods we dislike over those we prefer. Another type of fast is doing something for others, such as serving weekly or monthly in a soup kitchen, praying for an hour weekly at the nearest abortion mill, or volunteering for the parish. The Knights of Columbus is a wonderful Catholic service - oriented group for men, which keeps them busy with a number of worthwhile activities in the Church as well as in the community.

13. Reducing Stress by Exercising
When stressed from work or problems with family or relationships, regular exercise purifies the body and helps the body to deal with stress, making it easier to fight temptations. Also, getting proper sleep is essential.

14. Food Moderation
The lack of balance in one area (intemperance), especially in one area of the appetite, affects other appetites. When one eats immoderately (too much), the will is weakened, and is not as able to moderately control other passions such as lust or masturbation. Be moderate in all things.

15. Fill the mind with Good Thoughts
Read the Bible, good spiritual books, watch religious videos or DVD's, read the lives of the saints, study the Catholic faith. Avoid TV and the Internet - unless of course you're watching EWTN or visiting good Catholic sites like this one.

Welcome

Welcome to "Battle Blog", a project of the Men's Catholic Fellowship of Pittsburgh. On Nov 3, 2007 a initiative was launched to help men fight and win in the battle for integrity.

Our call is to reach out to men who have fallen into sexual temptation. So many hide their sin because of shame and embarrassment. We seek to confront shame with honesty, encouragement and the forgiveness waiting for you though Jesus Christ.

This problem is nothing new. Solomon was the wisest man that ever lived, but even he fell victim to the dangers of sexual lust. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been” (1 Kings 11:3-4). Solomon’s quest for happiness through sexual variety resulted in him committing spiritual adultery against God.
At the end of his life, Solomon reaffirmed that the true secret to sexual fulfillment is found in a happy marriage between one man and one woman.

Sex is a deeply intimate activity that is best shared within the bond of marriage of one man and one woman. If you are married, rejoice in your spouse; if the love fire has died, ask God to rekindle that fire. If you are single, rejoice in faith that God will take care of your needs at some point in the future. Please don’t forsake God’s plan for your life by usurping sexual pleasures intended for the security and intimacy of marriage. Sexual sin only leads to trouble and damages your relationship with God.

We hope our ongoing efforts will be a blessing and encourage you in your battle. Please check back often for the latest updates and help us reach other men by telling them about this site.

The Battle For Sexual Integrity

The Addictive Power of Pornography by Art and Laraine Bennett

Pornography or cybersex (pursuing sexual gratification via the internet) addiction has been called the “crack cocaine of sexual addiction” (Carnes, 2001). It progresses much more rapidly than any other chemical or behavioral addiction–the individual can become addicted in only a matter of weeks or months. This is partly because the Internet has an extraordinary capacity to introduce a trance-like state. Hours may pass while the individual is completely preoccupied with chatting online or gazing at pornographic images on the computer screen. This trance-like state is the first key element in the addiction cycle, as described by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., in his groundbreaking work, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. With each repetition, the noose tightens.

Another key element in the addictive cycle is the immediate gratification or pleasure that results from the sexual behaviors often associated with the viewing of pornographic materials (usually masturbation).Viewing pornography is usually accompanied by self-gratification and triggers arousal, satiation and an increase in fantasy, which induce powerful neurochemical responses in the brain similar to those induced by addictive drugs and alcohol. When these neurochemical changes happen repeatedly, the responses to sexual behaviors become habituated, and these behaviors are now “hard-wired” in the brain.Although there are moments of intense pleasure (releasing soothing and pleasurable hormones that are natural opioids), this pleasure has become a compulsion, and so is often followed by severe mood shifts to despair, or a sense of powerlessness to change, self-pity, degradation, and shame. The sense of isolation and hopelessness can be so severe that there is only one thing that can help the user feel better….and the cycle begins again.

Addictive sexual behavior is unlike healthy sexual behavior in that it is a compulsion for instant gratification, it is associated with severe mood shifts (from the erotic haze to depression), it is impersonal and emotionally detached, it is not fulfilling (the addict always needs more, without feeling fulfilled), and it is accompanied by negative self-worth, shame and guilt (Manning, 2006). The only way the addict can relieve these uncomfortable feelings of shame and guilt is to slip once more into the “erotic haze” of cybersex, which then further ensnares the user in the web of addiction.

This cycle repeats itself, often escalating as the user compulsively seeks increasingly deviant websites, or even tries to live out some of his sexual fantasies. The user may try to stop, but discovers that he experiences anxiety, restlessness, and unease (symptoms of withdrawal). Often the porn use is never disclosed–until he loses a job, a loved one stumbles upon his addiction, or he gets caught engaging in an illegal sexual act.

Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., pioneer in the field of sexual addiction, maintains that all sexual addicts have certain faulty, core beliefs that make them vulnerable to addiction. They experience a fundamental lack of self-worth and a mistrust of others that may come from early childhood experiences (whether through some traumatic incident or through impaired early attachment experiences) and are reinforced by our culture. The four dysfunctional core beliefs are:

1. I am a bad, unworthy person
2. Nobody would love me if they really knew me
3. My needs are never going to be met, if I have to depend on others
4. Sex is my most important need

Our Catholic faith reassures us that our dignity rests in being created in the image and likeness of God. We know that God loves each one of us, and that He will provide us with all the strength we need to become healthy. The Blessed Trinity is the best example of the power of relationships, and we, as children of God, partake in a relationship with God. This occurs most fundamentally by strengthening our relationship with Christ.

When we live a Christ-centered life, we can see that sex is beautiful and even sacred, but it is not the center of our universe. We must ask for the grace to grow in our faith so that Christ can help us shed our false beliefs. But these faulty beliefs have probably become habitual, and may already be so central to our identity and behavior that we need professional help to overcome them.

Grace builds upon nature and our natural instincts are out of whack when we have this addiction. Furthermore, these faulty beliefs may have arisen through early childhood experiences, and so may need to be addressed in a therapeutic setting. In addition to counseling, going through the 12 steps of Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) is one of the best ways to combat these faulty beliefs and overcome the addiction.

Art Bennet is the Director of Alpha Omega Clinic and Consultation Services in Bethesda, MD. This article first appeared on the Website http://www.unityrestored.com/. The purpose of Unity Restored is to provide the latest psychological information in concert with the truths of the Catholic Faith, to help those struggling with pornography.

Americans Urged to Campaign Against Porn Floodtide

Americans concerned about the floodtide of pornography pouring into homes, the workplace and even churches are urged to raise their voices about the harms of sexual addictions that many believe is devastating the country.

"Our nation ... faces a moral crisis, giving rise, among other things, to teen promiscuity, sexually transmitted diseases (including AIDS), abortions, children born to single mothers, divorces, sexual abuse of children, sexual harassment, rape, and trafficking in women and children," said Robert W. Peters, president of Morality in Media, which is spearheading a national awareness campaign. "It is clear that the explosive increase in the availability of hardcore pornography is helping to fuel this moral crisis."

The 20th annual White Ribbons Against Pornography (WRAP) Week kicked off on Sunday as a yearlong effort to combat the spread of porn across the American culture and to push for the enforcement of federal obscenity laws.

Conservative groups including Focus on the Family, Concerned Women for America (CWA), American Mothers, Inc., and GirlsAgainstPorn.com have joined Morality in Media this week to raise public awareness of the harmful effects of porn and to call for a respect for sexual virtue.

"Seventy-five percent of convicted rapists admit they were acting out what they had seen in pornography, and 80 percent of child molesters admit their spiral down began with pornography," noted CWA president Wendy Wright.

Over the last decade, employers have cracked down on those who view online pornography at work, but with laptop computers, cell phones and BlackBerrys and other portable devices providing wireless access to the Internet, reports indicate that porn viewing at work is still a major problem.

"Liability is the thing that keeps me up at night, because we are liable for things people do on your premises. It's serious," said Richard Laermer, CEO of the public relations firm RLM, according to ABC News. "I'll see somebody doing it, and I'll peek over their shoulder, and they'll say, 'I don't know how that happened.' It's like 10-year-olds. And it's always on company time."

The majority of U.S. adults say viewing pornographic websites and videos is morally unacceptable, according to a 2006 survey commissioned by Morality in Media. Younger Americans (ages 18 to 34) are more likely to think viewing porn is morally acceptable compared to 35- to 54-year-olds.

"A disturbingly larger number of our nation’s youth and young adults are viewing pornography, and they don’t even see this as a moral problem!" said Peters. "Our nation has failed miserably in shielding minors from pornography."

Explicit sex scenes bordering pornography have increasingly hit the television airwaves this season, raising eyebrows among critics who say it's too much.

"This season I think cable has pushed the limit of acceptability of sex on television as far as it could possibly go," Mary Murphy of TV Guide commented on CNN. Murphy believes several shows, such as HBO's "Tell Me You Love Me," are bordering on obscene.
Explicit sex scenes are even found on network TV including ABC's "Dirty, Sexy, Money."
"When I'm looking at some of these shows, I say to myself 'What is the difference between this show and porn?' I look at it two ways. I look at it as a critic and a reporter and I say 'Is it essential?' I don't think so," said Murphy. "And then I look at it as a daughter and a mother, and I pray that neither my mother nor my daughter will ever walk into the room while this is on television."

"I don't think it's appropriate at all," she added.
Matt Barber, CWA's policy director for cultural issues, said many people don't realize that many forms of widely accepted pornography "are in fact a direct violation of federal and state obscenity laws."

"These laws should and must be enforced," he said. "Ultimately, it is women and children who are most victimized by pornography and the lack of obscenity law enforcement."
The Supreme Court determined in 1973 that the First Amendment does not protect "obscene material" (hardcore pornography).

Morality in Media's Peters calls for obscenity laws to be vigorously enforced. During WRAP Week, Peters urges Americans to sign anti-porn petitions, hold rallies in their city or state capitol, and to write letters to their local, state and federal representatives against pornography. People are also encouraged to invite someone to speak against pornography at your church or civic group.

And as Americans are soon to elect a new president, Peters called on all presidential hopefuls to pay attention to the "moral crisis."

"While President Bush’s record of enforcing obscenity laws has been disappointing, to date it is clearly superior to the Clinton record, and we will be working to encourage the Bush Administration to pick up the pace of prosecutions, with the hope that the next President will build on that progress," he said.

"Given a choice, I think most adult Americans would rather live in a safe, healthy and decent society than in a pornographic cesspool," said Peters.

Morality in Media (MIM) was established in New York City in 1962 to combat pornography. MIM works to inform citizens and public officials about the harms of pornography and about what they can do through law to protect their communities and children. It also works to maintain standards of decency on TV and in other media.

White Ribbons Against Pornography Week runs through Nov. 4.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion by Catholic Men

What impact does knowing the addictive power of pornography have on your own battle to resist the temptation of pornography?

What is the difference between addictive sexual behavior and healthy sexual behavior (within the Sacrament of Marriage)?

What are some of the negative consequences of addictive sexual behavior?

What role does your Catholic faith play in your battle for sexual integrity, especially knowing your “dignity rests in being created in the image and likeness of God”?.

What role does your relationship with Christ, and living a Christ-centered life, play in your battle for sexual integrity? What steps can you take to deepen that relationship?

Under what circumstances do you think it is necessary to seek counseling or support groups to overcome sexual addiction?

If you are in a men’s group, take some time to pray for one another for the grace and power to resist the sexual temptations that we face each day.